Guest Post: Author Isidora Torres on Writing Working With Feelings
Read along for the rollercoaster of emotions that come with writing a book and becoming an author
This post is written by Isidora Torres, author of Working With Feelings
The thing about having a book published is that you realize you're officially an author. This becomes a part of your identity in ways that are subtle, but defining. It signals to folks that “yes, I am decent with words AND I wrote a book!”
This thread of discovery is not new to me and I assume it’s a similar pathway for many others especially as we navigate different career transitions. For folks of this generation, we’re constantly shuffling through versions of ourselves within each season, wondering if this version of ourselves feels “right.” And any other description would feel inadequate – hovering over the sentiment but not quite right.
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When I started to outline this book, I wasn’t necessarily afraid of writing it, but questioned if I should be the person to write it at all. I wasn’t an executive or some thought leader with credentials. I was a mid-level manager that was recently laid off, consulting to “figure things out”, and had just started grad school. Was I really the person to do this? More importantly, what did it even mean for someone like me to write a book about work?
I lingered on this question as I delved into research and articles – looking at who was quoted and why.
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I knew some truths that I wanted to at least cover that would inevitably become my own guiding light while writing. I wanted to feature folks that looked like me in the book. Whether that was through research or interviews, I was set on featuring folks (non-dominant individuals e.g. Black, POC, neurodivergent, etc) that were often left out of the larger narrative around work (especially when you talk outside the lines of diversity and inclusion). I wanted people who were emerging in their careers – I looked at my own community for inspiration: managers, people who were just promoted, people who were already managing multiple reports, or someone in year two of their careers. I knew there was a segment of people that were eager and open to talk about work – its complexities, the toll on our mental health and/or personal lives, but also the good parts, the empowerment, the friends we made along the way.
Knowing who I wanted to highlight in corporate America also helped me structure the workplace landscape and which filters I needed to use. I didn’t want to use one singular view when talking about work – it was important to understand the systemic factors that have contributed to what we now know as work culture. I also didn’t want to stray away from some of the ugly and uncomfortable truths. It was important for me to write about work the way that I talk about work with colleagues. Anything else would feel incongruent to my own values (and I wasn’t for that).
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While writing, I was consulting with a company that was refreshing their employee handbooks. Handbooks are a funny thing – it’s a moral contract that you’re making with a corporate entity, a promise to do right by policies outlined and signed off by executives and lawyers. It’s a norm typically found in workplace settings. It was a body of work that ended up hugely inspiring me to structure the book in a similar format. I loved the idea of using the employee handbook format because it encouraged its use as a consult and a familiar structure.
This was ongoing – I would find inspiration from my own daily work to help inform the contents of the book. Whether that be on the listening end, hearing colleagues share their frustrations, or creating a process document for a team. It felt seamless in some ways to fill in the gaps.
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I think one of the more challenging parts of writing Working With Feelings was actually selecting the cast of people I wanted to feature. Again, I needed to be cognizant of various but relatable lived experiences that would help illustrate some of the more complicated theories and studies I was referencing. The search itself wasn’t actually too difficult, it was narrowing in which stories I wanted to highlight. I shared a tweet and an email and was met with several volunteers. I was ecstatic, it felt like validation that this was something people wanted to read. I interviewed individuals for hours – digging into stories, reenacting “what-if” scenarios, re-cringing and laughing again at memories.
A key component I should mention is that I also agreed to write the book in 90 days. So, these interviews had transpired over the course 2-3 weeks so that I could start pulling in quotes and start really writing.
I want to say that I knew which stories were going to land, but I didn’t. I would watch interview footage over and over to see what I could pull, what attracted me, and what stayed with me even after the interview ended. I let the narrative guide me based on what felt good and elaborated and re-consulted with individuals as needed. It felt good to already have this small subset of folks believing in me and the book long before they even knew the name of the book.
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I was nervous to have an actual editor review my writing. An accomplished editor at that. I assumed everything was shit so I came in with the lowest expectation. And yet, that wasn’t actually the case. I met my editor as I started to wrap up the first edit of the book. We met over breakfast, getting to know one another. I felt incredibly green – mirroring whatever faux confidence I saw authors have on tv and movies. If this was my chance, I wasn’t going to mess it up by looking too amateur. Yet, the icky feelings subsided when my editor said, “I think you have more than one book in you.” After our meeting, I may have played Rick Ross’ “Here I Am” on my way home.
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I had hit “send” to email my final draft of Working With Feelings. To be honest, I was relieved more than anything. I had dedicated three months of my life to writing 40 thousand something words all while working and going to school. I suspected that I would feel looming anxiety as we inched closer to final edits. But until then, I knew we had focus groups incoming. Unlike traditional publishing companies, Parea emphasizes the role of readers bringing them early into the fold via focus groups. This gave us immediate feedback on content – understanding from actual readers what parts resonated and what didn’t. It was a good way to gauge general interest and what other edits/re-writes should we include. Feeling nervous is an understatement. I felt nauseous – I think I tried to be nonchalant in person when talking about the focus groups, but deep inside I was petrified and thinking the worst e.g. “Who the hell is this person?” “What is she talking about???”. This was the first time, readers, people I didn’t know at all, were reading my manuscript. The questions returned: Was I really the person to do this?
The answer was a resounding “yes.” I couldn’t believe it – I was reading comments from readers saying that they would trust me over an executive because “I got it.” That in itself was the biggest compliment – having readers felt seen and heard as employees trying to navigate work. It felt surreal scrolling through their feedback, reading words of affirmation and validation. I was a smiley face emoji incarnate.
During this time, I also took a shot in the dark and directly messaged one of my favorite authors about business, Kim Scott. Scott wrote Radical Candor, a book about what it means to give and receive feedback and, more importantly, doing it as humanly as possible. It has been foundational to my career as a people and culture operations team member and a book I constantly reference (thanks to Amy!). Scott is pretty active on Twitter and so I thought “why not?,” the worst is that I get ghosted. But to my own surprise, Scott responded and within minutes I was sending her my manuscript. I. Was. Freaking. Out.
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Through all of this, I was grappling (and still) about calling myself an author or even a writer. It was odd for me to talk about what I was doing because I felt like I didn’t deserve to say that I wrote a book. I didn’t feel like I was showboating per say, but I just felt like I wasn’t worthy of that spotlight despite me knowing my own experiences and being validated by readers.
Our launch date was rapidly approaching; my lovely team at Parea were working hard in getting to the final stages of print. We had gone through different book covers and were hitting the homestretch. I hadn’t seen the book in its entirety and I was slowly panicking. But like all things, it was just a matter of time.
I want to say everything from print to launch party was seamless, but if you’ve ever worked in product launches, you know that’s not the case. We were down to the wire and the advanced copies hadn’t arrived yet. Internally, I was crafting a contingency plan – people do launch parties without the actual thing done, yeah?
Then I got the Facetime call from Amy. The books arrived.
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Working With Feelings is an ongoing testament about faith in ourselves. By that I mean it’s an exploration of how we decide to exist at work – placing our faith in the idea that we can and will figure out how to “be.” Do we show empathy or do we keep it all in? Do we contribute to a more compassionate work culture or do we not care at all. Can we actually make impact for a better working environment? For me, it was a commitment to myself to have faith in my own abilities. It was also a physical representation of people having unwavering belief in me, in the stories I wanted to tell, and what it could mean for future business book authors in the space.
I want to say I came out of this process with an immense sense of confidence in this new-ish identity. I want to say that I have no qualms now saying I’m an author but that isn’t true at all. As I type this sentence and stare at my book, I just feel an enormous sense of gratitude. Gratitude being a byproduct of this process from the beginning till now. Grateful for Parea for taking a chance on me and grateful for people who purchased the book, and grateful for those who will.
If you haven’t read Working With Feelings, I hope you do – I can’t wait for the discussion and your thoughts. The book was intended to be just that – a start of a conversation, a thought that needed to be mulled on.
If you’ve made it this far for this post, thank you – I appreciate you reading all of this. With that, I think I owe you the following:
I would like to re-introduce myself: Hi, I’m Isidora Torres and I’m an author.