The Perfect Weekend Doesn't Exi-
It does. It's a solo recharge weekend and it's got your name alllll over it
January is filled with "new year new you" dogma and I'll admit, I love a good annual goal-setting process. I've been known to fill out a 30+ page workbook, I've spent all of New Year's Day with my girl friends plotting out our ambitions for the year, and I've always had a very clear perspective on what I wanted my years to look like.
Not this year, though. It felt like a lot of the major life milestones were behind me, so there was less to "achieve" in a traditional sense. Feeling aimless is not something I enjoy, so I decided to do something about it. I planned a solo weekend with the intention of recharging, getting inspired, and establishing some clear direction.
Everyone should do this. It's not about travel, luxury, or spending money to go somewhere fabulous. It's about breaking from your day to day, putting yourself in a new environment, and most critically--removing yourself from any responsibility to another person and being alone.
Here's how to have ~maybe~ the most important weekend of your year:
1. Mark off 3 full days--a half-day, then two full days, then another half-day--and find a location that gets you away from your everyday routine.
If you want to use this as an excuse to splurge and travel somewhere you love, do it! If you don't want to spend the money to go somewhere, you can find creative ways to do this at home.
If you do want to travel, I recommend going back to a place you've already been. If you go somewhere new that you've always wanted to explore, you're going to be too distracted. If you want to stay home, try spending the majority of your time in a room that you aren't usually in during the day. Give yourself permission to spend most of the day in bed, or set up shop on your terrace or outdoor space. Or you could find a good cafe where you live and spend a few hours there!
2. The first half-day: settling in and intention setting
When embarking on this weekend you'll probably feel like you want to get going as soon as possible. You'll put pressure on yourself to start writing down all of your goals and ambitions as soon as you "show up" for your solo retreat. Don't do this! Allow yourself to settle in, get into your new headspace, have a wonderful dinner, and turn off your email or other notifications. As you adjust to your location and your solitude, allow yourself to daydream. Don't watch TV or scroll on social media, be quiet and let your mind wander. Take note of where it goes. After an hour or two of this, if it feels right, start to set some intentions. What do you want to discover this weekend? What feeling is missing in your life right now that you want to spend time cultivating over the next few days? Do you want to focus more on creativity or discipline? Dreaming big or keeping things realistic? Have some loose idea of how you want your weekend to feel.
3. The first full day: do the things that make you feel the most YOU (and the most happy)
Fight the instinct to start being productive immediately! This day is all about getting you in the right mindset to set goals that are most reflective of where you really want to go. I spent my morning walking around from cafe to cafe, reading a book and writing. I did some light exercise, had a long sauna session, wandered into a bookstore, found an incredible vintage shop (and let myself buy some completely unnecessary but very wonderful items), had two glasses of wine and a delicious focaccia topped with taramasalata, and took myself to dinner at a highly-rated restaurant. I soaked up culture, read a book, went shopping, ate and drank exactly what I wanted, and didn't worry about how much time I spent doing any of these things. This is your permission to book that tarot-reading session you've always been embarrassed to admit you want, or to spend four hours in a spa, or turn your phone off and read for hours, go for the all-day hike, or sit in a hotel bar and order fancy cocktails. If you feel like this is superficial, stop being mean to yourself. Do what makes you happy, not what you think would look good on Instagram or sound intellectual to your friends!
Spending that day doing all of the things that you don't typically prioritize or have time to do will remind you of who you are and what you enjoy. It will also remove a lot of stress that comes from feeling restricted or overly focused on doing what you "should" do vs. what you want to do. This creates more mental and emotional liberation and helps guide you towards setting goals that get you where you really want to go.
4. The second full day: reflection questions and goal-setting
You should wake up feeling refreshed, energized, and happy that you spent a full 24 hours prioritizing yourself. That's the perfect way to feel as you go into your day of goal setting. I was fortunate to have Xanthe Appleyard's reflection questions to kick off my day. These questions prompted me to think about my dream life--from a relationship, business, and community perspective--and then urged me to be honest about my current reality. It became increasingly clear where my areas of friction and disconnect were, and I spent the next few hours coming up with a plan to move from reality to dream.
Here are some questions you can reflect on:
1. Close your eyes and imagine a day in your dream life. What do you do during the day?
2. What do you want you to be known for in your work?
3. What do you want to be known for among your community?
4. What are some beliefs that you have that might be holding you back?
5. When you think about your average day, what parts give you the most energy?
6. Think about some people you look up to. Why do you look up to them?
7. What have you learned about yourself in the last year?
8. What do you have yet to know about yourself?
9. What is the kindest thing someone could say to you or do for you?
10. What keeps you up at night?
These are all meant to help you uncover what makes your heart sing, in which conditions and environments you thrive most, how your own thoughts can limit you, and what your true aspirations are.
Spend some time digesting this information, and then get to work. What does the gap between dream and reality look like for you, and how can you bridge the gap?
I don't want to be any more prescriptive than this because there are many ways to go about setting goals and intentions for the year. Some of you may want to focus on business goals while others may want to take a more holistic approach. The key is to stay focused, get rid of any self-limiting beliefs or ideas around shame, and continue to luxuriate in the freedom you've created for yourself over these few days.
5. The last half-day: tie up any loose ends
If you traveled for this weekend and there was an activity you didn't get to do during your first full day, do it on this last day. If a night of sleep prompted a slew of new thoughts about your goals, use these last few hours to capture everything. This day is a buffer day so that you don't need to be stressed about doing absolutely everything by the end of your critical goal-setting day. This time affords you more peace during your other days.
That's it! That's my formula for a perfect solo recharge weekend. If you're thinking to yourself that you can't imagine stepping away from your life for 3 days to focus on giving your own self direction, then you probably need this the most. Just try it. You're worth it ;)